I was raised in a Catholic home and I use that term loosely. We went to church regularly for a while, I had my first communion and attended a few CCD classes. My brothers even attended Catholic school for a while. I remember going out for breakfast and always getting a waffle covered in strawberries and whipped cream and a side of ham (Just the thought of that today makes me ill). I don’t even really remember too much about religion in my house. My dad would lead us through a long prayer that we would recite after him and my friends would take me to vacation bible school but that was about it. I thought I was a Christian because frankly I wasn’t nearly as bad as those around me and I was a good kid. Compared to my two older brothers my mom told me I was perfect, but I was far from it.
Life was pretty typical I guess for a while until I was about in 3rd grade. We built a house while living in a rental and finally moved into our brand new house, were there about 2-3 years and then life began to crumble. My mom was diagnosed cancer and my parents got divorced but were living together in separate rooms. Fast forward a few years and I went off to college where I found a campus ministry which only helped deceive me that I was saved. I felt good and enjoyed the worship time and took away little tidbits but I acted far from saved. I wasn’t into drinking or anything but I desperately wanted to be loved. I dated a guy for two years in high school and also two years of college before I realized that is wasn’t going anywhere. I had a little rebellious period where I did some things I’m not too proud of but then I met my now husband. I wish I could say it was a fairy tale and perfect but no. We dated for a while and then I broke up with him because I felt he was too clingy and too much but he was ultimately interested in looking for a wife and now that I was getting what I wanted that freaked me out and I broke it off.
Eventually I graduated from college and moved back home and drove an hour to my new teaching position each way. I wanted to be part of faith community mostly because I wanted to find a husband and a good one. Well of course God always has a plan. A male friend of mine lived with us while he did his student teaching and while I lived at home and he was on AOL chat and I noticed my ex was on but that on my account I couldn’t see him….. HE BLOCKED ME! I capitalized that because at the time I was so mad. How dare he? But he was only trying to make a clean break like I should have done with my first serious relationship. Anyway, I contacted him out of spite and now we are married. It was’t all roses and glitter. I look back and I often say it’s a miracle we made it. We did everything wrong, but somehow God allowed us to grow together.
I quit my job in the northern suburbs of Chicago and joined him in Michigan. I ended up staying home a while and doing odd jobs because I couldn’t find an acceptable job. We went to a local church and got sucked into the drama. It wasn’t until a friend of Adam’s at work started talking to him and asking him some hard questions about faith that I was ultimately saved and baptized. Adam understood his faith far better then I and was a believer long before I was. The two husbands got us two wives together and we became friends. We ended up attending the church where our friends father was the pastor and I walked away about 3 hours later having heard more scripture then I had in my entire life. There was church and then Sunday School. My brain hurt. Adam and I ended up being baptized when I was pregnant with my second child. I remember asking a wise women that attend that church…. how do I know I’m saved? To me it was so complicated but really the answer was easy. Had I admitted that I was a sinner and handed my life over to Christ? This I will say was the beginning of my journey.