I was talking with a friend the other day and we were talking about all the various blog posts about what to say or not say in certain situations. I read one recently about what not to say to an anxious person. We were talking about ones that say what not to say when someone dies or has a miscarriage. Another one says well say something rather than ignore everything that happened. My personal opinion is that we are all just too darn sensitive and don’t have enough GRACE!
I think if your heart is in the right place, even if you don’t say the perfect thing, it will be well received. Think about where the person is coming from and maybe how you would receive what you are about to say. Maybe you have heard some of these tips before but here are some things that have been on my heart.
- Speak up! There are a couple different areas where I believe that we all need to speak up.
- A) If you are going through a rough time, tell someone. No one knows if your world is falling apart if you don’t let them know. We all have rough days and that’s ok. Sometimes we need help but we need to speak up and let others know we need help and afford them the opportunity to help.
Side story here. I love to help others. People may start talking to me and they don’t even ask for help but I already have 3 ways I want to offer help. This is a good trait and a bad one but I can explain that in another post. I told my husband how I got a little deflated when I would offer to help someone and they wouldn’t take me up on it. Well, then the tables were turned and I was the one having a baby or a life crisis and rejecting the help. My husband kindly pointed that people wanted to help me and he asked how I felt when people didn’t take my help. I now say YES! Allowing someone to help us isn’t just about us. It’s about them being able to reach out, connect, and love you too! So please let them.
- B) Tell someone you appreciate them or what they do. I had several phone calls to make last week and two of the ladies I talked to told me that they appreciate me checking in with them. I was touched and wanted to cry. It was simple and didn’t take a lot of time. You don’t need to go buy someone chocolate (although that would be nice too) or buy them a gift card. Think simple just say thank you or that meant a lot to me.
2. Think the best of others! Have you ever said “I can’t believe she did that or said that because…”? It’s usually a very self fish response and trust me, I am guilty! There are sometimes I wonder what people are thinking but most times I think people have the best intentions at heart. Rather than get upset I try to think what they may be going though. Maybe they didn’t have time or were busy or were just having one of those bad mommy days we all have. Many times people don’t even know that what they said upset you… why? because they didn’t mean it the way you took it. Which brings me to my last point.
3. Stop being so sensitive! I know it’s like telling us to hate chocolate! It’s practically impossible, but man we need to just chill! That’s my husband’s favorite phrase for me and those of you that know me know I’m wound VERY tight! Sometimes I open my mouth to say something that someone said or show him a text or email and he just looks and me and shurgs “What’s the big deal?” And I’m sitting here thinking well the big deal is she said…… to which he replies “That’s not how I read that at all!” The problem is we all add our own tone and feelings to EVERYTHING. Why? because we are women, plain and simple. We are emotional beings and we love to connect people and emotion and everything all together.
And for fun… This is why men and women respond differently!
Which of these areas are you guilty in? When the tables are turned how do you feel? How as women can we help one another in this area?