Ye of little faith….

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“And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.” Matt 8:26

You may or may not be familiar with this passage but it’s from the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament. The disciples were following Jesus in a boat and a great storm arose but Jesus was asleep and what were the disciples doing? Freaking out, which is exactly what I would be doing. They woke him and asked Jesus to save them and he asked them why they were afraid? And then he calmed the sea! No big deal. Well I have a tendency to do just what the disciples did: 1) Freak out. 2) Make a bigger deal than it is!

So here is my story. Last year I really wanted to go on the Spread Truth Ministries Share the Gospel Mission  Trip. Our church had gone for several years and taken teens and I had felt like I was never good about speaking up and sharing the gospel. I felt like going on this trip would help empower me to open my mouth rather then keep everything to myself. They were trying to get a group of adults together and it just didn’t happen. So the trip still happened but no one else from our church was going so we decided not to go. So then back in February they started planning for this year’s trip. Well, after the events of the fall and the holidays and such, I just didn’t feel like doing anything. Then there was the whole are we going to try and get pregnant again thing. So when the trip came up again I was not excited this time. I was also suddenly concerned that we would not be able to raise the money either. We had had several expenses with medical stuff and funerals and holidays and I usually would say it’s fine we will pay for what we don’t raise but I that didn’t seem wise. When push came to shove Adam was interested in going on the trip and said we should go. So we signed up and I told him up front that we should prepare to pay for most of the trip.

Total trip cost was $3700 for the two of us. We put down $600 total so we needed to raise $3100. The donations started to come in and slowly we were raising what we needed. We still had $2000 to raise when I ran into another adult going on the trip and she said she was fully funded and my heart sank! Here I was thinking that everyone is just having donations trickle in. We continued to follow up and send out letters and post on Facebook. Slowly but surely every penny was raised. We were supposed to have it in by May 1 but by May 17 we were fully funded. I was a little upset with myself. How could I have such little faith to think that God would not provide for us? Why was I so convinced that we would just take the money out of savings and cover it? At one service in church it hit me and I just cried. I truly lacked trust and faith.

There were some missionaries on furlough last year teaching at our church and they were raising support. They told a story about living in this volatile area and one day getting a knock on the door and it was these officials and as these people were sitting on their couch some other officials called and said get out now we have reason to believe you are in danger. Well they figure it all out but they couldn’t stay in their home any longer and they had to come up with like $10,000 very quickly to secure another home. Sure enough it came through with a donor. One single donor. I remember stopping the wife in the parking lot and introducing myself and telling her that I wasn’t sure how she could handle all of it and I would just be a mess. She told me that she realized how little her faith was in those moments thinking that God would not provide when he did. It all really struck me.

I realize that my trusting was way less than what her situation was but God moves us along slowly but surely. He builds us up and uses us right where we are at but also stretches us every so carefully and molds us to make us more like Him. He has and continues to work in our lives.

Thank you to all of you who donated to make our trip possible. I’m very grateful to all of you. I have to say I’m very nervous. I have not been on a plane in 12 years. I don’t travel much at all and when I do I feel very uncomfortable. I’m glad that Adam and I are going together and I’m sure I will be stretched and refined. I plan to write blog posts as things happen and hope to at least write a little each day we are out there but that will depend on schedule. Thank you so much of your financial support and for your prayers. You are loved!

Jessica

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